Headed North

So, tonight we head north to Kentucky. That's probably not really considered "north" but technically it is north of here. We're making the trip back up to help my stepmom tear down an old house and get some other things finished up around her house. My stepbrother and his family are going as well as one of my dad's brothers and one of his daughters. So, hopefully, many hands will make light work.

I have a ton of things to finish doing before we leave - mainly packing. I can't believe I'm not packed. Usually my OCD kicks in and I pack for the entire week leading up to a trip. Not so much this time. I do have some finished, but I still have more to do.

I have some work I need to get done this morning, some errands to run, snacks to make for the trip and I want to finish cleaning the house (i.e, mop the floors, ugh!). There's nothing better than coming home from a trip to a clean house. We'll see how much actually gets done. Maybe if I were Speedy Gonzales it would help. (You're probably thinking if I would get off this blog it would help - but that's not so because I'm actually writing this Thurs. night during a little bit of down time. So there!)

Dakota has been gone since Tues. to an FFA convention and she will not return until around 5:30 this afternoon. Nothing like coming in for a landing and taking off again. She'll have to pack in a hurry - and I know she's not going to want to. She'll be exhausted - but there is no way I'm packing for a 14 year old without her guidance. I'm sure I would never get it packed right to suit her. I can't shop for her, what makes you think I would pack for her?

Drake's easy - he's done. Except for socks, I just remembered I didn't pack him socks. See? This is why I usually pack in advance. I haven't even made out my list this time. You know, the list of everything under the sun that you need to take so you don't forget anything? Yeah, that list. I haven't even written one. I'm slacking, I know. I did come across this list the other day when I was blog hopping. And I thought my list was totally OCD. Not so much compared to this one. Maybe I'll just use this one this time - for the parts that apply, that is. (Update: I did print out the list and started checking things off, which spurred me into gear last night to get things like first aid supplies and medications, etc. packed and ready to go)

I don't know if I'll blog while we're there. We'll just have to play it by ear. I may schedule some posts for while we're gone if I have time to get them ready. We'll see how it goes.

I'm fighting writing this next part. I've started it and erased it at least four times now. I'm putting myself out there, being vulnerable, letting down the fence that stands so high around my inner-most thoughts. But here goes. I can hold it back no longer. Just bear with me (or bail now - the choice is yours.)

I'm excited about this trip but also apprehensive. The last time I was there I watched my dad take his last breath and then watched as they wheeled my dad's lifeless body out on a gurney and into the back of a hearse. That was tough. That whole week was tough. The hardest thing I've ever had to do in my 31 years. But I did it. I did things I never thought I'd be able to do, never thought I had it in me, frankly, never thought I would have to do but somewhere from deep within came the courage and strength to plow ahead and the ability to get through it all.

I guess it's just another one of those "firsts" that we have to get through; first birthday, first holidays, first time my cell phone rang and the caller ID said "Dad" and it's not him on the other end, the first time you call and he's not there to answer the phone with his famous "yello" greeting, first time I drive up in the driveway and he's not there to meet us, waiving and smiling.

It'll be tough, once again. I'm sure there will be a few tears shed - but I think there will be lots of laughs as we tell stories and recall memories or even rummage through stuff he's packed away for 58 years because he might need it again one day (he was the King of Packrats!). I hope so, anyway - because I think that's the way my dad would want it to be.